November the 15, the year of 2002
7:29 PM
B-ball scrimmage Monday. Guess who won't be put in? It's ok though, I can deal. Right now, my bf and I are having a pretty good time, and I'd like to do something with him tomorrow.. I'm a hypocrite, I haven't worked on my book (that's what it is now...) at ALL. I've been reading some John Irving, and I've given myself...he's given me??...some ideas... I want to do something with a French/Italian Cirque du Soleil type circus...HMMM NOT IN THE MOOD TODAY...

November the 13, the year of 2002
7:34 PM
Basketball practice started today. I'm very out of shape, and the ladders/suicide runs...ah I die... The rest isn't bad, but those ladders could just kill a girl. We have a scrimmage Monday, I've never played before, I'm really scared. I don't get the rules, I don't get the plays, I don't know how to defend...I can shoot foul shots...^_^
This thing with my bf, aah it's making all my poetry and writing crazy...I need to talk to him. Speaking of writing, I've never attempted a novel before, but I'd really like to...so I will! I can't decide whether to use my WriteItNow thing or just to use Word...or maybe the typewriter. I like the typewriter, its quaint. As for ideas...well you know I can't spring them here so I guess I'll just publish installments on the other parts of my site..(http://www.freewebs.com/pewter_goose.html). We'll just see what happens. And speaking of my site, I need to work on it^_^ Demain, mes cheres...

November the 12th, the year of 2002
5:00 PM
Ah well again I am being driven crazy by people. My bf, a guy who used to like me and is alluding to liking me still, my best friend, my parents, none of these people can I talk to. I can't tell my boyfriend that I am afraid he likes my best friend, I can't flat out ask the guy if he does still like me, I can't tell my best friend that I'm a bit attracted to her on/off boyfriend and that I HATE her sometimes(see previous blog), and my parents, if they know any of this I'll be grounded for life. I guess most of it is my own cowardice and I must get over it...
Pet Peeve of the day: The way my boyfriend says 'o' when I tell him something that really means something, or is really part of me. It sounds like he doesn't care. I know I sound really picky, but it just hurts...
Japanese is an evil language. And yes, that is my newest obsession. I guess it comes from watching Akira and Princess Mononoke so much. Speaking of which, I think I have new thoughts on Akira. There is no clear cut good or bad side really, and I think this is because in the end it just becomes a rampage of (excuse this cliche) senseless violence. Tetsuo just runs around Neo Tokyo destroying all he sees and killing people. Then his power becomes too great for him, #'s 25,26,27, and Akira... And like Mononoke, it comments on this violence, nad how pointless it is. To think my mother calls it 'stupid'.

November the 11th, the year of 2002
4:20 PM
Ah well my complaints of not having a social life have come to an end I suppose. I have a boyfriend now, although I also have doubts that he is a very good one. Problems have arisen, My best friend had been dating his best friend, but now she's broken up with him because of some completely unfounded reasons. Now he's upset, and she like my boyfriend. Also, a guy who had previously liked my is completely in love with her now, and can't understand why she won't come running to him. Oh what a tangled web we weave...
While the situation is awfully confusing, it could be worse. This being my first experience with dating, I have no idea what oculd be happening. One thing that really gets to me, I see her, prettier, thinner, more likeable, getting all the affection she could ask for and rejecting it. I would love to be liked that much but she seems intent on pretending like she is annoyed by all the attention. She still remains my best friend, but sometimes I really hate her.
Basketball practice started today, I missed it, because of some illness. I really loathe this idea of being forced into playing as sport, but I suppose I can not escape it.
One thing I've noticed of late: my poetry has been getting worse every time I write. Half the time it barely means a thing to me and just seems whiny and selfish. Those few poems that bring tears to my eyes when I read them are truly awful, no interest or beauty to be found in any word or stanza. I must do something to correct this.
I have again started a story, a longer one than normal. A fable I had written quite some time ago about the beginnings of the night sky would be great to incorporate into this story, but it limits the setting to earth and with a distinctly american indian taint. While this is nothing bad, it has never been my style. We shall see, we shall see.